Is there a better job in the world right now than being Britney Spears’ lawyer? I know what you’re thinking. Um, yes. Any other job. Why would I want to fight a losing battle every day? That sounds miserable. Well, that situation might be miserable for a soldier, or a door-to-door salesman, or a factory worker quickly becoming obsolete, but, for a lawyer in a civil case, fighting a long, drawn-out losing battle is, sadly, the best thing they could ask for.
Think about it. Once a week, or twice a week, three times, who cares, Britney’s lawyers need to show up to a court-room and say, “This bitch isn’t crazy.” Then Kevin’s lawyers (who, by the way, get paid for by Britney) say, “No, this bitch is crazy.” Then the judge, (who, in a more democratic way, gets paid by Britney) says, “Well, I’m not really sure if the bitch is crazy or not. Let’s wait a week and see if she does some crazy shit.”
Then they all get in their Audis and drive to their giant homes in the hills and check out TMZ.com to see what they’ll be dealing with tomorrow.
It’s a dream job for a lawyer. What the hell do they care? All the length of any case matters to them is that they don’t have to look for a new client anytime soon. Thus far Britney’s lawyers have made 1.1 million dollars off this child custody case. And now Britney’s been asked to pay Kevin’s 600,000 dollar legal bill as well. And, don’t get me wrong, I don’t give two shakes of a tambourine about Britney going broke; I just care about these lawyers getting rich.
There must be no phrase that perks up a lawyer’s ear like “bogged down in litigation.” For all of us lay-men that means, man this is going to take a while. For a lawyer that means, great I’ve really got this sucker on the hook. Has anyone ever known a lawyer to rush?
And I’m no legal expert, I’m not sure if that was clear. But isn’t something a little ridiculous when it costs 1.1 million dollars to secure visitation rights? I don’t think I’d pay that for ransom. But the case just keeps going and going, getting nowhere slowly, and they just keep profiting and profiting.
Britney, you need a new layer, sign me up. Right now you pay 700 dollars an hour. Listen here, I’ll offer you 600. That’s right. And I’ll even negotiate that fee. I’d be willing to go as low as 550 dollars an hour for the honor of representing you. And don’t worry I will stand still for you as long as this case is at one. I got your back Brit.
Believe me, “I don’t think you’re a crazy bitch.” And I will take as much time, no don’t even worry about it, I’ll take even more time than that, I got no plans, to make sure the judge sees it that way too. I’m on your side in this thing. No matter how messy it gets. I don’t care if it takes another three years, I will make the judge see that you deserve joint custody.
I don’t care if it takes another three years after that.
