A Long Over-Due Apology

Listen, I’m not saying we definitely did, but, since it’s out there, let’s just say we the Jews did kill Jesus. Well then, we’re awfully sorry. Seriously, if we could take it back, trust me, us, the media, we would. In a heart-beat. Honestly, as a people, it’s got to be our biggest regret. Easy. If we had known two thousand years ago what we know now, believe you me, we never ever would’ve killed him. Maybe guilt him a little, but definitely not murder.

            We just had no idea that you guys, Christians, would come to like him so much. That you would name yourself after him. That you would worship him. That you would engrave him, and pray to him, and wonder what he would do. That you would dedicate your whole lives to him. That you would determine that he was the answer. Who could’ve possibly seen that coming?

            I mean, if you told us we would have had to put up with one meshuganah messiah for a sixty or so year life-span, or deal with 2000ish years of oppression, you’d better believe we would’ve let the man preach. I mean, my God, we would’ve built him a temple, financed the first few years until it got off the ground, and sponsored the soft-ball team.

            You got to level with us. Back in 1 BC we had absolutely no way of knowing that we were one year away from having our time defined by the guy. We just thought he was bad for business. It never dawned on us there’d be crusades, and churches, and holy wars, and new testaments, and popes, and masses, and Madonnas, and crucifixes, and fish, and polygamist sects, and evangelical revivals, and gospel music, and Christian Rock, and crosses, and freaks, and followers, and anti-abortion legislature, and retreats, and blockbuster movies, and cross-eyed people in train stations, and communions, and all that. We just thought he was some fakakta hippy.

            I’m just saying, shoot, if we had known all that, there’s absolutely no way we would’ve messed with Jesus. I’m sure we knew even then that we were never going to get a president, or basketball player, or ski instructor, so we would’ve gladly taken a savior. To see one of us make it that big. We would’ve been very proud of him. Truth is, we still kind of are.

            Because here’s the thing; you guys got him back after all. We never even got him at all. Think about it; you actually got him twice. Plus, you still have him. Jesus, we had our chance. With a real-life messiah. What we’ve always been waiting for. Dropped right into our laps. I mean, the messiah. And he’s a Jew! (If only he was a doctor.) And we totally blew it. Leave it to the Jews. And we’ve been paying the consequences ever since.

So, let me just reiterate. We are really really sorry about the whole death of Jesus debacle. Truly sorry. And I’m not sure we’ve ever actually come out and simply said that before; so I just want to make sure that it is officially out there. Our bad. I don’t know whether it was all our fault, or only some of our fault, or seventy-five percent our fault, or whatever, but certainly we were involved. At the very least we were an accomplice to the crime. And for that we would like to apologize.

            That’s right, we are confessing to our sin. We are admitting our wrong-doing. We are on our knees apologizing to Our Father who art in heaven. Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done. We’re sorry about trespassing on your faith. Now, how many Hail Mary’s until we can put this whole thing behind us? When does the forgiveness begin? We’ve done our part now, so how about a little reconciliation on your end?

Isn’t that how the whole thing works?