I don’t want to beat a dead horse, just one close to it: John McCain. With the average life expectancy of an American white male at 76 years of age, and John McCain now over 72, it’s not only okay to say that John McCain might die during a potential presidential term, but that we should expect him to. That’s messed up, right?
Republicans might as well vote for a felon on death row. They might as well go ahead and choose some depressed poet with a noosed neck standing atop a chair teetering on its two back legs. They might as well cast a ballot for a Lehman Brother on a building’s ledge.
John McCain must die. I mean, we all must, but him even sooner. Have you seen him? He looks like the ghost of Christmas past’s deceased father. He’s got like tumors in both his cheeks. Am I the only one concerned by that? I don’t care if it’s from war or cancer or storing too many acorns in there, I don’t know how you could vote for a guy who permanently looks like he just had his wisdom teeth pulled.
And I’m not saying I want John McCain to die. I’m just saying he’s going to. Really, really soon. Every time I see him he looks a little older. I swear. I’ll see him on Good Morning America and by the time I see him on the late night news he looks one step closer to the coffin.
You don’t think campaigning takes a toll? I’m tired when I have to travel two hours on a train, imagine spending nearly two years, two times, on the Straight Talk Express. And then imagine being older than sin and doing that. The guy’s got to be exhausted. He’d probably welcome a nice long, long sleep.
That’s why John McCain’s not worried about health care. He’s not going to be around to enjoy it. He’s more likely to invest in hospice. He’s had his allotted amount of health, and it doesn’t matter how much he cares about it from here on out, he isn’t getting much more.
To vote for John McCain is not just irresponsible, it’s illogical. It’s like voting for a wind-up toy after you hear the buzzing start to slow down. It’s like voting for a turkey after you’ve already turned on the oven lights a few times to check if the timer’s popped yet. It’s like voting for a BlackBerry with a blinking battery.
In memoriam, it’s really very funny that the Republicans are the ones who always get to use scare tactics, and the ones that have tried to utilize them this election. Because, bi-partisanly speaking, let’s be honest here for a second. If it looks like an old man on the verge of death, it talks like an old man on the verge of death, and it walks like an old man on the verge of death, chances are it’s an old man on the verge of death. And what’s more horrifying than that?
Besides this Sarah Palin bitch.
