As summer finally turns to fall, yes Septober has officially switched seasons, and the biting cold replaces the pleasant warmth, it leaves one to wonder: What’s so bad about climate change?
Because, let’s face it, Global Warming has got its perks. I like going to the beach after Labor Day. I love wearing a T-shirt until Halloween. And, honestly, it’s great being able to show up to Thanksgiving with a tan.
Who doesn’t want some additional warm weather? What’s better than riding a hot streak? So what if it costs a few polar ice caps, I like barbecuing. It’s worth it. Let the sea levels rise. More water for me to splash around in. What’s the big friggin’ deal?
It’s not fair that the equator should get all the good weather. We should spread the warmth around. Everyone gets a share. I mean, if we’re really going to want to use solar energy anytime soon then were going to have split that sunshine up more evenly, no?
What the hell is everyone whining about? With rising gas prices, are people so eager to heat their houses? I say let the earth do it for us. Everyone always talks about utilizing natural resources. Why not start with the most basic one–heat. Let the atmosphere be our nice, thick comforter.
People go on vacation to get somewhere with warm weather. We can bring the warm weather right to them. Do you know how much pollution that lack of airplane travel will stave off? Think about it. I’m only looking out for the environment.
Also, the more warm weather days we have, the more days it’s possible for people to walk places instead of driving. Not only will this cut back on our reliance on oil, something I think we can all agree is necessary, but it will also keep people from continuing to get fatter. Walking is such a healthier choice, and no one’s walking anywhere in winter.
Cold weather can make people lazy. “It’s so cold, I don’t want to go outside.” And you know what lazy people sitting inside do? Eat. And watch TV. That is the kind of apathetic attitude and lifestyle that this country needs to get rid of. Which is why better weather is more necessary than ever.
Also, cold weather is bad for the economy. No one is going to go shopping if the roads to the malls are all icy. Talk about a credit freeze. The only thing I’d buy stock in these days is that people prefer sunny days to clouds of gray.
Is global warming man-made? You’re damn right it is. And it’s the greatest thing man ever did make. I’m surprised more companies aren’t taking credit for it. Maybe that’s why so many corporations are losing money right now, a lack of innovative thinking. What they ought to do is re-brand this whole global warming thing. Call it Perma-Summer. I’d buy it.
Global warming is the zenith of man’s industrial ingenuity. Finally, we’ve found a way to make this damn planet not just livable, but enjoyable. For too long we’ve put up with all four seasons. Now we’ve figured out a way to get rid of the one we don’t want—winter.
With every great change, be it civic, cultural or climate, there will be some resistance. Some fear. Some people who just don’t get it. The trick is not to listen to these people and just continue on. Just keep going, and they’ll thank you when they get there. Yeah, it’s scary to think about completely revamping the earth’s whole natural atmosphere, but what good idea wasn’t a little frightening at first?
We’re talking about weather, people. Nice weather for all. Who has ever woken up and said, oh, I hope it’s ugly out today? I can’t wait to get out of bed, it’s freezing! What’s that, it’s overcast and crummy, see you at the park in five. These sentiments don’t exist. Black, white, yellow, red, green or purple, we all want the same basic, fundamental thing: Pleasant weather.
And now is our opportunity to guarantee the gift of good weather for all future generations to come. Meteorologists will just have to nod their heads. Yup, you know it. Sunny again. We’re talking about making the world a warmer place, for everyone. Every day left more beautiful than the last. We’re talking about extra sunshine. We’re talking about giving our children a better climate than the one we inherited. Trust me, they’ll thank us for it.
