All this talk of stimulus packages has me, frankly, very stimulated. Everywhere I look there’s that phrase in all its titillating bold-lettered hyper-linked glorious whole. Sometimes it’s even in those sexy little semi quotation marks. You know, the ones that don’t even need two apostrophes, because one more than suffices: ‘Stimulus Package’. God, that drives me crazy.
I just get so excited when I think about that massive, stimulating package pumping all that money into the eagerly awaiting pipes that I can barely contain my excitement. Faster, faster, faster is what I say. Let’s get this thing through the Senate already.
We’ve got to start filling the gaping depressed hole that is our economy with a real big package before the whole thing completely dries up. Because if we don’t inject something wet and meaty in there quick, we’re going to be in some real serious trouble. That’s why I’m not worried if there’s a little extra pork in the package. The more meat we can stuff in there the better.
I mean, I knew when Barack was elected that, if rumors were to be believed, he would be bringing the biggest package ever with him into the White House, but who could’ve anticipated it would be this big. And I haven’t spent too much time really looking at it, staring at it, studying it but I have to admit, from what I have seen, I love Barack’s package.
Especially the stimulation it will provide to our private sector. And we all know that if you stimulate the private sector soon all the rest of the body politic will respond and follow. Then quickly you’ll have an entire thriving, pulsating public region. Ready for action, ready to work, and ready to make some money.
Man, it’s nearly impossible to imagine this whole stimulus package without getting a huge bonus. Because that’s exactly what it will provide to the system, and then what the system will supply to all of us. The system’s bonus will trickle down onto us, and we’ll all be there to lap up the yummy golden shower. Until soon we’ll all be walking around with giant bonuses just looking for places to stick them. Or, even better, invest them.
Sure, many of us have been shafted by the government before. Like when we had to bailout Wall Street because they were swinging their derivatives all over the place and not worrying about who was watching and what diseases they might spread. (Maybe they needed to be educated.) But that was before and this is now. That was a bailout and this is a stimulus package. That slipped in and blasted us from the back-door, but this is right out in front. This is our shot to get the shafting we really want.
Really, what the goal of this stimulus package should be is to give us maximum bang for our buck. We need something that will really arouse the economy and wake us out of our slumber. Not something we bang out in the middle of the night, but something we bang away on efficiently, until bang goes the economic crisis. It may seem like we’re banging our head against a wall, but we want this to be bang on, so future generations can say we really did a bang up job. In the end, what we need more than anything out of this stimulus package is to go out there and give the economy a big, loud, earth-shattering, ear-popping, hair-pulling, toe-tingling, boot-soaking bang and not just a limp-little, watered-down whimper. So let’s all of us hope that this prodigious stimulus package is powerful enough and comes at just right the time.
