It’s funny, all this debate about The Public Option: because, what option, after all, does the public really have? What is in our control? According to a New York Times poll last weekend 65% of voters support a public option. With only 26 percent opposing it. This proves that A) The New York Times is better at reporting than math and B) The public wants a public option. But yet we can’t get one. I ask again, what option does the public really have?
The public knows a good deal when we get one. That’s why we shop at Wal-Mart and why we forced Kentucky Fried Chicken to suspend their promotion when they were giving out free grilled chicken for a day. The public may sometimes be stupid, but that doesn’t mean we don’t understand some good savings when we see it. And certainly the public option is the best deal out there.
You can’t bullshit a nation of bullshitters. Sure, you can try. You can put pundits on to preach every hour on the hour for hours on end about the movie The Hours and how it is not in fact a chick flick, but all the people have to do is look at the cast and see it stars Nicole Kidman, Julianne Moore, and Meryl Streep and they’ll know that it’s a chick flick. It’s the same with this public option. You can talk all you want about the dangerous precedent it sets, the path towards socialism it provides, the acid rain it will draw from the sky that will precipitate down on us like hell-fire scalding our skin and decomposing our bones until we are nothing more than gelatin masses that will be swept away by a high-tide, but we still know it’s better than dealing with private insurance companies.
We’re talking about insurance companies here people. There are actually people on the TV and in the political sfear that are trying to defend insurance companies. Insurance companies! The worst people in the world. Insurance companies. The people that are paid to collect your money every month, then, when you get sick, try to figure out a way not to pay for you. I don’t mean to hyperbolize, but that is what they do. That is their job. Literally. Think about it: Every single person who drives pays money each month to an insurance company. Then, one time, they get into a minor accident. What’s the first thing they think? “I hope I don’t have to report this to my insurance company.” What the fuck kind of system is that?
And that’s the system we have with our health care. We pay a company every month that we know will eventually try to screw us. If we are walking down the street and we get hit by a car, we would rather limp our way to a hospital than call an ambulance. Because we don’t want to deal with insurance companies. Insurance companies! These are the people we are worried about offending? These are the people we are worried about losing? This is the status quo we are protecting? We are looking out for the best interests of insurance companies???? How insane is this?
These people. These crazy people who try to scare us on TV, or even worse, these scared people who do scare us by going to Town Hall Meetings and raising hell, they do it because they are true patriots. But they are not patriotic to country. They are patriotic to Insurance Companies. Who has anything to lose in Health Care Reform? Do I? Do you? No. Only insurance companies. They are the only people that care about our health. Because they’re the only people that make any money off of it. They make money if we our healthy, because we pay them in case we get sick. Then they make money if we get sick, because sure, they may pay some of our costs if we’re lucky, but we still pay. We still pay. Don’t you get it? Insurance companies are profit-driven businesses. They are built in a way to make money. They are always going to win. They are fucking insurance companies.
Public option. Public option my ass. If it was truly the public option than let the public vote on it. No, instead we got Max Baucus, a senator from fucking Montana voting on it. Montana! Do you know how many people live in Montana? 10. 10 people live in Montana. And this guy is voting on the public option? This guy gets to decide for me and you.
Public option. What an oxymoron. Is that the same public option we had to not bail out the banks during The Greatest Economic Crisis Since The Great Depression? Is that the same public option we had to go to war wherever and with whoever it is we’re at war with right now? Is that the same public option we had not to cancel CW’s newest series The Beautiful Life starring Mischa Barton? Is this the public option we are talking about?
Of course we want a public option. At least the majority of us do. If that counts for anything. Public option, nah. I’d rather be steamrolled by ruthless, heart-crushing private insurance companies. No thanks. I just love my insurance company. The last thing I want is another option. Especially one that is supposed to benefit The Public.
But honestly, let’s call a spade a shovel here. The public option never really existed. It doesn’t even make sense. Public option would mean that if we got sick, we would just go to the public, and their good-will would take care of us. What has been proposed is a Government Option. That’s what it really is. We get sick and the government takes care of us. And here’s the thing. As much as I hate the government and its bureaucracy, its absurdity, its syrupy slow pace, its wastefulness, its wretchedness, its despicableness, its awfulness, its intrusiveness, its stupidity, its horrors—it’s still better than an Insurance Company.
Yet yesterday the public option was shot down. The public option was pronounced dead. The public option was put in a box and buried far beneath the ground. With a 21 gun salute. The public option was murdered. Because we’re just the public after all. What options do we really have?
This Week’s Trivia:
Jewish Athletes
1) Well, it is only fitting that today we pay tribute to probably the greatest Jewish athlete of all-time, Brooklyn’s own Slingin’ Sandy Koufax. Koufax is most famous for a string of six seasons between 1961-1966 when he won 3 Cy Young awards and was the most dominating pitcher in baseball’s history. He is also famous for refusing to pitch game 1 of the 1965 World Series because it fell on none other than the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur. With what franchise did Sandy Koufax spend his whole career and become the youngest person ever inducted into the baseball hall of fame?
2) Sticking with baseball, we’re actually going to ask about the most famous mis-appropriated Jewish athlete of all time. Based on 2 references, 1 a 1976 Esquire article in which Harry Stein names this guy the 2nd baseman on his all-Jewish team, and 2 a mention in Adam Sandler’s The Chanukah song, name the hall of fame athlete who married a Jew, raised his kids Jewish, but actually never converted.
3) Who says Jews are afraid to fight? Certainly not anyone who witnessed the career of Max “Madcap Maxie” Baer, the half-Jewish boxer who knocked out German champ Max Schmeling in 1933. Despite notching over 80 victories in his professional boxing career Baer may be best known for a fight he lost. In 1935 Max Baer lost a decision to a boxer named James Braddock. This fight has since been immortalized on the silver screen. By what nickname was Braddock better known?
4) Sure everyone remembers goyim du jour Michael Phelps, but do you recall that without the amazing performance of Jewish stroker Jason Lezak in the final leg of the 4×100 meter relay, Phelpsy would have set no new gold medal record. That’s right Lezak beat out the French world record holder in the 100 meter freestyle despite starting a full body-length behind. Lezak then went on to stun the swimming world by opting to skip the 2009 World Aquatics Championships and instead compete in this Israeli-held sporting event that features Jewish athletes from all over the world. Happening every four years, what’s the name of the Jewish Olympics?
5) Jews also have a long-history of producing great figure-skaters. Go figure. One of the most famous Jewish figure-skaters is this gal, the surprising winner of the gold medal at the 2002 Winter Olympics. A name that seems to be forgotten from Olympic lore, I blame anti-semitism, name this Jewish triple-axelist.
6) Man, this is kind of embarrassing. While there is no real legitimate Jew on an NBA team (unless you consider Jordan Farmar or David Lee legit, but I’m not prepared to go there yet) there are 10 Jews that own legit NBA teams. That’s 1/3 of the league! The most famous of this bunch of billionaire Jew owners is of course Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban. Cuban purchased the Mavericks in 2000 from what other famous billionaire?
Answers:
1) Dodgers
2) Rod Carew
3) The Cinderella Man
4) The Maccabiah Games
5) Sara Hughes
6) Ross Perot Jr.
