Remember when we elected all those republicans last year? That seems a bit rash now, no? We might end up regretting that one. Because now they’re all actually going to become real representatives in Washington D.C., and there’s no reset button on the Wii for us to hit. Instead, We got to actually deal with it now.
And I do say we, because it is our fault. We let the Republicans win. We got really apathetic, damn near depressed, and decided you know what, screw it, let them have this electoral cycle. We’re sick of the spin anyway. It’s their turn on the pendulum swing. We’ll just push and watch them kick their legs in the air.
But now I can’t help but feel like we were all really bored throughout autumn, drank our way through the holidays, and woke up the morning after New Year’s, hungover, rubbing our eyes and realizing now we have to actually deal with another year of the same bull shit. Are you kidding me that the headlines on January 4th, 2011 read, “House Republicans Plan to Repeal Health Care Reform Bill”? Please. That’s so last year. Health Care is totally two thousand ten. Can’t we at least irrationally argue about something new this year?
I’m not saying we need to make progress this way or the other, I’m just saying don’t we owe it to ourselves to at least disagree over different issues in the one one. Can’t we deadlock over the deficit? Or engage in heated exchanges from both extremes over the environment and fail to find any common ground? I know we could reach an impasse on immigration. I just know it. Please lord above, I beg you, grant us a new hot button issue before the groundhog sees his shadow, again and again. I can’t possibly keep caring about health anymore.
At least when we were berating each other over the Bush Tax Cuts that was fun. It was new. And fresh. But if we’re just going to keep dragging up the same old debates, I’m going to be forced to give up on politics and write about something new. Like Lindsay Lohan. What she’s in the news again too? Another celebrity can’t even go nuts in 2011? This year is utterly worthless.
Listen, Republicans: You guys won big in November. No one is going to front run on that. You crushed the compassionate competition. You got a reason to feel big in your Wrangler britches. To eat the bloody hearts of the liberals you defeated. You earned that treat. And I for one will not be a sore loser.
But, ya’ll’ve got to do the same thing. Suck it up. You lost on health care. You got smacked around and humiliated and now 30 million previously uninsured Americans will have access to health insurance. Deal with it. Stop whining like little welfare babies and wasting our time with this irrelevant repeal nonsense. Go on to bigger and better things.
There are so many other things you can royally fuck up. There’s the budget. Go nuts with that. Sell it to Hertz. Who cares? There’s Afghanistan. You can go crazy over there. Literally. You can dress those people up like clowns and make them play Red Rover and no one will stop you. Oh, and there’s our borders. Build a fence, a wall, a moat, and one of those KFC/Taco Bell combinations along the entire Southern Coast. Seriously, you can do anything as long as it’s something new. (I know, doing requires a plan, but you can work on that too.)
Because I simply cannot stomach another year of the same ol’ seimol. And I don’t think the country can either. Some things got to get done, not undone. And if your big plan for your big return to power is to go backwards, well, we all know what happened when we got there. And did that. And it wasn’t that great. And then the pendulum swung again. And that time we pulled it.
So let’s have a good eleven, people. Where our partisan bickering is fresh and original. Where our stalemates are state-of-the-art and sensational. Where our disagreements are deep-seeded yet so hot right now. Where when we yell and scream it isn’t about something we’re already hoarse from and beaten well beyond its death. Where we hate each other in a wholly new way. How’s that for a resolution?
